Wonderful happenings

I BELIEVE something wonderful is about to happen!

Safari for the Soul

Jan Boal

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Listen more

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Believe

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Gentle

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Oscar McClure, Doonie

Friends offering benefits
Oscar McClure

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Today is the day

The fall

Have you every fallen, and the impact not hurt?

Nope; me either.

Some falls hurt less than others.

Sometimes we can break the fall,

Sometimes we brace ourselves for the fall.

Sometimes we can roll on the impact…it still hurts.

Some falls will have you laying in the rocks unable to move for a moment easing self up, shaking inside.

Other falls allow us to jump up survey the damage, brush self off and keep moving, yes.

Feeling the pain, seeing the scars, watching the blood drip; the soreness, the hurt the morning after.

Why the fuck would you fall in love when you can walk into it?

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Early morning meeting

I walked into the meeting, paused for a moment scanning the room to locate an empty seat.

A voice said, “Hey you.”  I felt his tone; glanced down in front of me; saw the look in his eyes.  I felt one of the four brick walls surrounding my heart crash to the ground…the smoke made my weak.  

I smiled. 

He moved his briefcase from the seat next to him motioning for me to sit next to him.  

I exhaled as I sat back; relaxing into this feeling of complete ease.  

He put his arm around me drawing me closer to him.  Almost whispering in my ear, “I love your hair.”

The chemistry strong undeniable–the ease of the conversation that followed.

Our exchange of glances; eyes sparkling; getting lost in his grand piano smile.

Exchanges of calls and texts. Such laughter sharing life moments.

Time passed.

I woke one morning remembering those that I have been forced to love from a long distance.

The brick wall suddenly built back now surrounded with a moat.

A Lesson

Last week I logged in to Facebook to discover that an old friend’s brother passed to the other side.

I thought about my three siblings.  A part of me would pass with them. A lot of me would hurt, a part of me would rejoice, a lot of me would me angry, a part of me would not care, and a part of me would feel nothing.

Proud of each of them;  disenchanted with each of them, and missing two of them but no longer close to any of them.

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Good Friday in Manhattan

A homeless man laid on the ground against a gray concrete building in the City. It was 37 degrees this morning. He was sleeping, suddenly his body jerked hard wakening him violently. He sat up and started yelling, “Get away from me.” “Get away from me.” As the passersby moved to the far end of the sidewalk, he motioned wildly with his arms and hands, still yelling, “Get away from me!”

After a few moments he reached behind the marble pillar he was using to shield his face from the street and pulled out of fifth of SMIRNOFF vodka. It was a quarter full. He took a swig then slowly screwed the top back on it, gently put it back in it’s hiding place. When his hands could be seen again he removed a Newport 100, and lit it with a black bic lighter. He sat in silence taking an occasional drag from the cigarette. Again, he started jerking his arms and waving his hands for the imaginary person to leave his space. He was speaking in a volume that could not be heard beyond where he was sitting on the ground against the gray concrete and marble building. Just as suddenly as he started jerking his arms and waving his hands he stopped. He finished his Newport and flicked it towards the street.

At least one hundred people had passed by him on the sidewalk by now. Many not looking in his direction. A young blonde haired male with black earphones looked at him with disgust as he passed, slowing his stride as he got closer to him to get a better look.

A man in a navy blue wool hat and matching parka strolled down the street. He was carrying a metallic blue stainless steel water bottle in one hand and a brown paper bag in the other slowed his walk as he approached the homeless man. He stopped and smiled at him, handed him the brown paper bag, bid him a good day and walked on. The homeless man looked in the bag then placed it on the outside of the marble pillar. He reached behind the pillar to retrieve the SMIRNOFF bottle, took another swig and put it back, again with a Newport in his hand. He sat and smoked in silence.

People walked up and down the block some rushing to work, a few carrying gym bags, others walked holding a dog leash, their dog at their side. A woman in a mink, a man in a navy pea coat using a blind person’s cane as his guide.

A small girl wearing a pink coat, white scarf, colorful beads adorning her braids looked into her father’s eyes as they got closer to the man, neither said a word. He handed her something. When they got to the man sitting on the cold ground against the building they stopped. She handed him money that was carefully folded in her hand, tears in her eyes she said, “I love you.” The homeless man said nothing as he accepted the money she held out to him. The father fought back his tears, they walked on in silence. The little girl looked up at her father and smiled. He took her hand and they walked on down the street.

The homeless man turned to watch them until he could not see them any longer. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a stack of folded bills. He unfolded his money exposing 20’s, 10’s, 5’s and one dollar bills. He unfolded the money the girl with the braids handed him. He separated the five dollar bill from the single one, put them in their proper place in his stack and put the money back in his pocket.

Just then another man walked up and handed the homeless man a large iced coffee from Starbuck’s and a straw and walked on without a word. The homeless man discarded the white paper from the straw beside him on the ground took a big sip then placed the iced coffee on the window ledge above his head.

As I sat in the warmth of the car ten feet from the homeless man I looked closer at his clothing. He was wearing brown and white suede sneakers not worn or dirty other than the heel of the shoe where it rested against the sidewalk. He had on black socks, a pair of black jeans, not worn or dirty other than the dirt acquired from laying on the ground. He had on a black sweatshirt that appeared to be dirty from laying on the ground as well. His hands were ashy from the cold dry air of the morning.

I looked at the clock on the dash of the car as I turned the key in the ignition to warm the car again. It was 8:50 a.m. I had been sitting there since 7:08 a.m. waiting for my friend to return from her early appointment. The homeless man laid down, crossed his his left leg over his right leg. He rested his left arm over his forehead, and his right arm across his stomach. Five feet away from the homeless man, a man stopped with his dog so he could pee and take a crap on the sidewalk. The homeless man never moved.

The street of passersby began to get quiet as it was now nine a.m. Those that did pass him speeded up their pace as they got closer. A jogger in black running shoes with a white and neon green top flew by the homeless man. He turned on his side shielding his face from the sun and the passersby. He began to tap his foot as if he could hear music.

I saw my girl friend come around the corner. Time to put my paper away and get back in the passenger seat.

Dentist visit

After my dentist looked at my x-rays he began to tell me what his plan of action is to fix the problem. I said, “I appreciate all that you are going to do; however, do not put anything in my mouth that is going to affect my oral skills.”

Remaining quiet does not

mean I have nothing to say.

It means I do not feel you are ready to feel my thoughts.

I am selfish, yes.

My in box

I got a in box from my sister last week.  The reaction of my action.

She called me a “drama queen”.  From that moment to this one I search for the drama queen in me.

I do react to hurt rather loud.  Probably because I take so long to react.  It has taken me 48 years to react to her abuses.  I search for a different word but I cannot come up with one.

I am having a learning experience as I write.  She leaves me feeling abused.

The part I hate the most, the part that makes me so angry.  What the fuck is wrong with me that I took so much for so long?  All I come to is Richard and Alice. 

 

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US

Ever see Satan’s soul?

Go to the mirror.

End of a relationship

I would rather die

So I die

Die to Live

Appeared that I love You more than I love myself; just a fraction.

Tolerance

Patience

Faith—Then I saw Satan’s son.

Take your rightful place in the Universe.

Exhaling long/hard.

Heart pounds though my chest.

Breathe.